A Mom's Thoughts on the Day After

I just wanted to put my feelings down so I don't forget since it's been a chaotic mess inside my head and heart the last 24 hours.  I can't understand why I tear up?  Certain things and thoughts just trigger the tears to flow.  I am so happy he's where he's at, there's no other place I'd want  him to be. We've talked about it his whole life..."when you go on your mission..."  It's one of those steps of life that was just talked about matter of factly but I never considered the emotions we would all go through.  I am overjoyed that he is worthy to go, that he made the choice, that he wanted to go and he was ready to go. Then why am I sad?  I won't see him for two years.  He's left the nest.  Our family dynamic is forever changed. I look at his sisters and think how much they will miss him. I can't hug him, I wish I could go back to yesterday and give him just one more hug!  I know he will be back at home but things will be different.  Once you move out and then come back to your parents it's just not the same.  When will I stop wondering if he's going to be home for dinner, or when I see his car in the driveway stop thinking that he's home, or when the delete button pops up after watching a show on the DVR when do I quit wondering if we should save this in case Cole will want to watch this?  Does time just pass and then I stop wondering these things?  Do I gradually shift to thinking things like who is he teaching today, who is feeding him dinner, or is he getting rained on riding his bike today?  I think in this day and age of technology it makes separation harder.  We go from constant and instant communication to nothing at all.  He can't text me and tell me about his companion or what he ate for breakfast.  I can't call him and see how he's holding up.  I just have to wait for an email or a letter.  I know that I will adjust to that too.  Time will pass and things will settle into a routine for both of us I'm sure.  I know it's going to be an adjustment for him and I can't wait to hear about it.  I know he is being kept busy and is surrounded by hundreds of missionaries and the spirit is just emanating from all of them.  Me at home in my quiet house with just my own thoughts is harder.  I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea that I wish he was home.  That's not it at all.  I am just trying to sort out my feelings. It's confusing and that makes it so much harder.  I can't put my finger on it.  Why, when things are just as you want them to by, are we sad?  I guess love is that way.  Even though he's doing what we want him to do, because we love him, we will miss him.  His first letter or email can't come soon enough!